Et si tu n'existais pas
by Oversensitive
Summary: Everyone with whom we communicate can change our lives


So. This is my first GG fanfic. Hope you'll like it. Reviews make me happy )))

New York City. The largest city in the US, one of the largest cities in the world. The population is more than 8 million people. With the suburbs - more than 20 million. But still sometimes even among such a huge number of people it's possible to feel unbearably lonely. Dan Humphrey knew it like no other. Throughout his life he fought for the possibility of being recognized, being noticed, being somebody. But he was so tired of these useless attempts. He was sick of feeling like a void. He was fed up with "Gossip Girl" and her nicknames. Yes, he's just a "Lonely boy", an upstart from Brooklyn, an outsider …

Dan felt nothing but devastation that evening. He considered that his life is like a vicious circle which can't be broken. He was tired of it all, he was tired of life. Dan walked along a crowded street and cursed his published book. Because of it he has lost an arrangement of all his kin and friends. His heartache was so torturous that he wanted to pull out the heart from his breast. However, the most painful words were "I'm sorry" ... It was even funny: he always liked beautiful stories about unrequited love, such as "Casablanca" or "The Philadelphia Story". But it's different when you feel it in your own life. Blair went back to Chuck after calling off her wedding with Louis. It was unbearable to see her smiling at another man, her shining eyes, blush on the cheeks. "I'm sorry. You have always been a really good friend of mine. Always treated me well. I do not deserve this. Dan, you are the one who changed me. I want you to know that. You will always have a special place in my heart. But it's not enough to change anything ... ". He wanted to forget those words so badly, but each letter as if imprinted in his memory.

Heavy rain started. Dan was barely able to see anything. He had to go almost to the touch ... Everything happened so quickly that Dan didn't even have time to understand anything. The last thing he remembered - a flash of light from the headlights and squealing brakes, and then – an emptiness. At some point he felt like he's watching everything from above. He could see how an ambulance takes away his body. "So. It's all over now. I'm dead" - he thought as he heard a familiar voice behind:

- No. This is not true. You're still alive.

- Grandpa? - Dan asked in astonishment, turned and saw close to him long-deceased grandfather – What's going on? How can I see and hear you?

- Dan, you are on the brink of life and death now. I'm here to help you fight for life

- I don't have anything to struggle for – Dan sighed - There is nothing for me in this life.

- You are wrong. You have no idea how important you are for those who know you.

- What are you talking about? I don't understand...

- Come on. Take my hand. I'll show you life without Daniel Humphrey.

Dan took his grandfather's hand, and instantly everything around has changed: now it was an early morning and they were near The Ostroff Center.

- What are we doing here? - Dan asked.

- Wait. You'll see it soon.

Suddenly Dan saw Lily entering into the building. Although she was barely recognizable. She was tired, even exhausted, haggard, aged and she didn't look like a familiar refined lady from the Upper East Side. Dan followed her. Lily reached the necessary floor and walked to the doctor's office.

- Nice to see you, Mrs. van der Woodsen - a young and very cute doctor greeted politely.

- Hello, Mr. Parker. How is she?

- Well. We were lucky this time. Again. Vital organs were not injured. Physically, she is healthy. But we both know that it should stop. We're doing our best, but your daughter should have a desire to be healed.

- I know - Lily took a deep breath - I'll stay with her until she wakes up and then try again to talk to her.

With that Lily left the office. Dan followed her. She walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Then ran her fingers through the hair of the unconscious lying girl and quietly wept. Dan was shocked when he saw this girl. Beautiful golden curls were matted and dirty. Pale, almost translucent skin, unhealthy thinness... To recognize lovely Serena in that girl was impossible. But it was her.

- What happened to her? - Dan asked without understanding.

An overdose. The third time this month - answered the grandfather, who re-emerged as if from nowhere - Doctors are doing their best, but the situation has spun out of control. I am afraid that next time will likely be the last for her...

- But how did this happen? Why? - Dan's voice rang out despair.

- When you met Serena five years ago, she returned to New York, wanting to change and start over. She met you and because of you she could change. Because you helped her, because you believed in her, saw only the best in her and made her believe in herself. But, since Dan Humphrey does not exist in this world, there was nobody to support her. Old habits came back to Serena, and here's the result. Natural for the party-goer…

- Let's go - grandfather took Dan's hand and then everything changed again. They were in a loft in Brooklyn. It was dirty there. Pile of empty beer bottles in the kitchen, garbage scattered everywhere and dusty sewing machine somewhere in a corner. Then Dan saw his father, he slept on the couch with another bottle of beer and a guitar on the floor next to him.

- Dad, I go to work - Dan heard the voice of his sister and turned around.

Jenny was wearing a faded T-shirt and old jeans, without any makeup on her face, with her hair gathered in a ponytail and her weary eyes full of despair.

- Bye, Jenn - Rufus mumbled and fell asleep again

- Where does she work? Why isn't she in London at St. Martins? And what the hell happened to my father?

- Jenny has always dreamed of becoming a designer. But do you know at what moment she believed that her dream can come true? When she realized that she could achieve something? It happened when she saw your story published in «The New Yorker». You have always been her role model, but you are not here. So Jenny works all day as a waitress at a local bar and enjoys those pennies they pay. What comes to your father, he always was proud of his children and has never regretted that he left his musical career to raise you. But now he has nothing to be proud of. He considers himself a loser deserted by his wife. He tries to write something again - an old man pointed to a guitar lying on the floor - But in vain. Lily is his only inspiration. But since there is no you, and you have not met Serena, your father has not met Lily again. It is painful to watch my son slowly dying...

- Grandpa - Dan said excitedly - don't worry, my father is the strongest man I've ever known. I'm sure he will be fine.

- Come on - the old man answered - it's time to move on.

Dan took his hand and they found themselves in an office inside one of the Wall Street's skyscrapers. Dan saw his old friend, Nate Archibald, dressed in an expensive suit with slicked back hair. He sat at the table, with his legs crossed, and was talking on the phone. A strange guy sat next to him and listened to the conversation:

- He is our competitor; we must do everything to get him down. Alright. I talked to him before; I think I have enough compromising materials. We will use that and he will be done. Okay. I'll bring a folder with the information later. See you - Nate hung up.

- Huh. I thought you and Michael were friends - said the guy sitting next to Nate.

- Come on! You know, for me it means nothing. There are no friends in politics. And Mike is from Queens, he is not suitable for Senate - Nate replied mockingly.

- It's hard to believe sincere friendship exists, when you live in a world of the Upper East Side, isn't it? Grandpa asked. - You helped Nate when he had serious problems with his family. You let him live in your house. Thanks to you, Nate realized the meaning of friend's help and support. When you are even ready to break up with the girl you love. Thanks to you, Nate allowed himself to go beyond the East Side; he learned to value people regardless of their origin.

- I don't even know what to say - Dan said absolutely distraught - he does not look like the man I used to know.

- Our influence on others is often very difficult to notice - Grandpa patted Dan on the shoulder, trying to support - Okay, Let's go, we have two more stops ahead.

Dan took his hand again, and they found themselves in a luxurious nightclub. Everything was arranged with great taste there. It's a place for rich people wearing expensive clothes.

- What are we doing here? - Dan asked. The old man pointed to the table by the window, a small group of young people was sitting there. They were drinking whiskey and smoking a collector's expensive Cuban cigars. Among them, Dan recognized Chuck Bass. He has not changed; he looked just as usual, dressed perfectly.

- To Chuck and his successfully made bargain! - Someone has proposed a toast

- To the youngest and the most successful businessman in New York!

- It doesn't make any sense! - Dan cried - there is no chance that I could have any influence on Chuck Bass. We barely talked. Besides, I do not see any changes.

- You're wrong - said Dan's grandfather - Look.

Chuck's phone rang and he rose to answer. Dan followed him.

- Yes, dear - Chuck said - No. I'm with the guys from work. We are celebrating the signing of the contract with "Thorpe Enterprisers" - Chuck was silent for a while, listening to the answer - Blair, don't dramatize! We have already discussed this. What do you mean by saying "Emily needs a father"! I spent enough time with her. Yes, I think so! Maybe it's you who should care about your daughter instead of spending all day long in the shops and SPA? She needs her mother too! - Chuck angrily hung up. Then he took off the ring from the finger and put it in his pocket. He walked up to the stunning beauty dressed in Chanel sitting at the bar:

- It's a wonderful night, isn't it? Let me order a Martini for you. By the way, I'm Chuck Bass.

- The problem of Chuck - Grandpa said to Dan- is his excessive love for his father, a desire to be like him. And he has succeeded in it a lot. Look at him, he is engrossed in his business, rarely seen with his daughter, cheated his wife. Chuck probably would be the same in real life. But after you helped him to find out that his father was involved in a man's death, doubt has tortured his mind. He began to wonder that his father is not so perfect. That was a fixed idea of his, not allowing Chuck to become a copy of Bart Bass. But in this world there is no one to open his eyes. And that's what's going on.

Dan was very frustrated, he was sorry for all these people, even Chuck.

- So. We have one last stop - the old man said.

- No! - Dan shouted, when he realized who they are going to visit - I can't stand it! I don't want to!

- You'll have to do it - old man replied calmly and took Dan's hand.

They were in a beautiful playroom, apparently in some expensive mansion. The light was off, but the moonlight and street lights were enough. Pretty little girl slept in a crib. She was about eighteen months. Blair stood beside. She was stunning, as always, only the light in her eyes had faded. She softly sang a lullaby, tears were streaming down her face:

- Everything will be alright, sweetheart. Mommy will always love you - she whispered

- It's unbearable - Dan groaned, unable to stand her pain.

- She wants to file for divorce, but she can't - explained the old man - she is too afraid of being lonely and raising her child alone. You taught Blair to face her fears. For example, when you told her about how you were scared to talk to your mother when she left you. Or when you said to her that she has to decide what's the most important for her: keeping a pride and getting nothing, or taking a risk and maybe having everything when she was afraid to tell Chuck that she loves him. Or when you said that she should not be afraid to follow the signs that life gives us, or when you convinced her that she needs to know who the father of her child was. And you have always helped Blair realize that she is special, calling her "dictator of taste" and arguing that she deserves to be with someone who makes her happy, and that her prince is waiting for her. But you're not here, there is nobody to tell her the right words and support her in difficult times.

Dan sat down on the floor, unable to fight the pain in his heart that just tore him from within.

- Do you understand now that your life belongs not only to yourself? Do you realize how important you are for the people who know you?

- Yes - Dan sighed.

- Do you still think that you have no reasons to live?

- No. I want to live! I will fight! - Dan said. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on getting back to life...

He opened his eyes; bright lights of hospital caused a pain. He had a headache, and his left leg was injured. But it was so nice to be alive!

- He woke up!

Dan turned and saw his father, who was sitting next to him.

- Dad...

- Hush, you shouldn't talk a lot now.

- Daniel, I'm so glad you're all right! - Lily came to him holding her tears.

- We were going crazy! - Dan felt that someone took his hand; he turned in another direction and saw his sister.

- Jenny, I missed you so much!

- I missed you too - she smiled - I came right away.

Serena and Nate spent all night here, they were so worried about you - Lily said. And Dan saw his friends through the window. They were sitting on a couch in the hallway and were sleeping leaned against each other. Dan smiled involuntarily - this sleeping couple looked so cute.

Blair and Chuck are here - Rufus said - they had gone to buy coffee in a coffee shop downstairs. As if to confirm his words, they appeared in the hallway. Blair saw that Dan woke up and ran to the room:

- Humphrey! Swear that you will never frighten us like this anymore! - She flew to his bed, wept and buried her face in his bandaged hand.

- You are really lucky - Chuck said, looking at him and smiled - escaped with concussion and a pair of fractures, the doctor said it could have been much worse. The driver swore you were walking without seeing anything in front of you. I'm glad you're alright.

- Thanks, - Dan replied, - Blair, please stop crying - he said, anxiously looking at her - I'm gonna be okay. Dan stared at her so she would know that he has mentioned not only the fractures.

- Besides, red-eyes don't match the color of your dress, right? - He said jokingly, and everybody quietly laughed.


End file.
